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The reasons why victims stay in violent relationships are highly
complex and occur on many levels. The summary that follows attempts
to breakdown and categorize some of the motives operating to cause a victim
to stay. All of these factors are not found in each case, but a combination
of some of them is usually enough to keep the victim together with the abuser.
SafePlace acknowledges that while the majority of victims of domestic
or sexual violence are female, there are male victims.
1.
The battering may occur over a relatively short period of time.
2. The abuser may tell the victim and the victim may be convinced that this
battering was the last
by promises and remorse.
Victims Childhood
1.
Victims may have lived in a home where their father beat
their mother, or mother beat their father
and accepts it as natural.
2. The more the victim was hit by their parents, the more likely they
will stay, in other words, the
victim learned at an early age that it's OK to
hit someone you love when they've done something
wrong.
3. The victim, or one of their siblings, may have been a victim of
child abuse or incest.
Economic Dependence
1. The victim may be economically dependent on the abuser and see
no real alternative. In the
victims eyes, it may be worth putting up
with abuse in order to gain economic security.
2. Economic conditions today afford victims with children few viable
options. They often have no
marketable skills. Government assistance is very limited and
many dread welfare.
3. The abuser may control all of their money and the victim may
have no access to cash, checks or
important documents.
Fear
1. The victim believes their partner to be almost omnipotent.
They sees no real way to protect
themselves from the abuser. Many fears are
justifiable. If the victim or even a neighbor reports
the abuser to the police, they will often take
revenge upon the victim.
2. Often, the victim is so terrified, that they will deny abuse
when questioned.
3. Some victims are afraid that if they report the crime or tell of
the abuse, their abuser might
lose their job….the only source of income for the family.
Low Self Esteem
1. Learned helplessness; often explains a victims inability to act on their own behalf.
They learn that their behavior has no effect on the outcome of a situation, since they are
repeatedly abused with no logical consequences from preceding incidents. The victim begins to
believe what the abuser says about them being incompetent and unable to function on their own.
2. Severely depressed people cannot take action.
3. Often the abuser is violent only with the victim and they therefore concludes that it must be
something wrong with them. The victim often accepts the abusers reasoning that they
"deserved" the punishment or that the abuser was just too drunk to know what they were doing.
Beliefs About Marriage
1. Religious and cultural beliefs, or the eyes of society demand that the victim maintain the façade
of a good marriage.
2. Often the victim stays for the sake of the "children needing both parents."
3. The victim may believe that battering is a part of every marriage.
4. Many victims are raised to believe in the all-importance of a good relationship with a husband/
wife, and that good relationships are their responsibility, not his/hers.
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